Things That Happen When Mama Goes To The Bathroom
- Child A will hit Child B and both will proceed to scream bloody murder.
- Child A will start yelling about the highly illegal behavior of Child B.
- Child(ren) will open the door and begin asking a ceaseless stream of questions.
- Child(ren) will open the door and just stare.
- Child B will suddenly realize his deep and abiding need for your constant visible presence and will begin hurling his small body on the door while weeping the bitter tears of abandonment.
- The UPS man will knock on your door.
- The neighbor will knock on your door.
- The Jehovah's Witnesses will knock on your door.
- Child A will answer the door, explain Mama's current situation and then helpfully bring the package/cookies/literature to the bathroom for you. Lecture on opening door to strangers soon to follow.
- Husband will knock on locked back door because large snowdrifts impede movement to front door and he needs you to undo the deadbolt.
- The telephone will begin to ring...and ring...and ring...
- The oven timer for the bread you put in 40 minutes ago will go off and beep...and beep...and beep…
- The alarm clock which was jacked by the night’s power outage will go off and beep...and - you get the picture.
- The power will go out.
- A child will start vomiting.
- Child A will suddenly need to use the (only) toilet.
- Child B will blow out their diaper and start tracking it through the house.
And the worst:
- Sudden silence will ring in your eardrums causing you to freak and need to investigate ASAP.
I love being a mom.
No really, I do :-)