Tuesday, September 28, 2010



 This is Jack.

Jack is not our dog.  He showed up a couple months ago and has been around 95% of the time since then.  

We call him Jack because the number on his tag sent us to the pet shelter.  They told us his name and that he had been adopted by someone who said she "would find him a good home."  When we call her number she never picks up.  Sketchy.  

So anyway, we don't mind having him around.  He is very gentle with Miss C.  Clyde the cat had to teach him a lesson at first but now they happily coexist and he and our dog Missy are bestest friends fur-ever.

The problem is, Jack still has...um...he...um...he is still endowed with the equipment required to continue the species. 

"Well!  Just tell the WORLD about it!"
Sorry, Jack.

This is the dilemma: I am of the persuasion that only purebred dogs worth hundreds of dollars contained in an inescapable fence should be allowed that luxury.  All others should be chop-chopped.

Sorry, Jack.

I know this is discriminating against your ethnicity and socioeconomic status, but this comes from a tragic past experience when a hormone-crazed dog the size of a Buick busted through my front door and got my (very expensive soon-to-be bred to an even more expensive) golden Labrador Retriever resulting in 13 Buick-size puppies I had to feed and care for through the dead of winter then give away to a no-kill shelter because no one wanted a Buick-size puppy in the dead of winter.

"Oh wow.  That's ruff."
Thanks, Jack.  I knew you'd understand.

"The same thing happened to my mama."
Yeah, I kinda figured as much.
So what do I do?  
"So impersonal!"

Should I tie a note to his collar saying, "If this is your dog please call me, I'm going to get him chopped?"

"Ow, ow, ow!"

Should I go ahead and get it done and let them find the stitches?

Or should I just leave it be?  You know, whatevah, and let the breeder of beautiful golden Labrador Retrievers living right up the hill deal with the possibilities himself?  (almost to ironic, isn't it?) I'm feeling a little responsible.  What should I do?

"What would YOU do?"


Renia said...

Sadly if yuo gonna feed him youshould fix him. ;) ( sorry Jack)

Beth Ann Zeller said...

HILARIOUS!! I read this over and over and DIED laughing! Except for the traumatic memories of Schatze... We'll never get over that one, huh?

Virginia said...

DON'T fix him. The owner can sue you if you do. I would keep trying to contact her and contact the shelter about what you should do in case he never goes away. Or contact your vet and ask for their opinion. I would definitely not do the snip snip unless the owner signed a paper turning the dog over to you. Jack totally looks like Boaz in some of those pictures! So cute!

Beth Ann Zeller said...

On second thought, I have some really cool little blue rubber bands with a stretcher thingie that I know you know how to use very well, Hannah... The owner wouldn't notice a thing unless something...fell...off... in the...wrong...place! :-P

Hannah said...

Renia - that's kind of my thinking...although we don't really *officially* feed him, just whatever he sneaks from Missy's bowl, and what Charissa feeds him...and what I feed him (which isn't necessarily dog food) ;-)

Ginny - seriously?! You think someone would sue me for fixing their mutt? Wow. I hadn't...even thought about that.

Mom - YEAH! Sounds good, we make a pretty good team!!

Libba said...

Ha! I was gunna say - Use one of those rubber bands you put on the billy goats!

Anonymous said...

Hey Hannah! This is Collin. I Don't have a profile on this thing is why I'm posting as anonymous. Anyway, I'm not sure, but I think Oklahoma might have an animal cruelty law preventing people from preforming medical procedures (i.e. neutering, euthenizing, etc.) on domestic animals unless you're a vet. Also, unless he's a bigger dog, you might run into some nasty complications from banding. Because goat's hardware is a little *ahem*..... heftier..... than a dog's, and thereby thicker tissues needed to support them, less pressure is needed to restrict the blood flow. Anyway, what I'm getting at is what works for a goat might not work for a dog, and if he isn't big enough for the bands, his hardware will only be "degloved" vice completely removed. Also, if you do it, and the aforementioned undesirable condition does occur, you'd definately need a vet to undo it without killing the dog from necrosis toxicity reintroduced into the blood stream and if it is illegal, the vet might be obliged to report it and you may get a fine. Anyway, I'd do a reasonable amount of research before committing to such an undertaking.

Hannah said...

Thanks for the medical advice, Collin. I don't think I'd do that to Jack...or if he would LET me do it! I promise, if he does undergo the snip-snip, it will be professionally done. But seriously? OK would have laws about that? I'm learning so much, here.