Learning to Abide

My Mom tells the story about when I was little and fell over a curb in the grocery store parking lot.  A little old lady came and helped me up.  Once upright, I kicked my sweet helper swiftly in the shins.  

I always was "that child".

Little has changed since then.  So often I would rather drag myself around that parking lot trying to dodge cars on all fours, than to accept God's help to stand and be led to safety.  I often stand stubbornly before God and say, "I don't have to hold your hand.  I can stay on the sidewalk myself.  I can do it just fine on my own.  ME DO IT!"

But then something sparkles in the parking lot and because I'm not holding His hand, I'm running after it.  The sparkle, it's only a broken piece of glass.  Worthless and even sharp as it cuts me - but it's mine, mine, mine!  I found it on my own!  So pretty!  As I merrily skip around with my pigtails flying in the breeze, the inevitable curb of my own incapability trips me and I fall flat on my face.  Even then I try to make it on my own, sometimes even kicking clumsily at what I know will help me.  Even though I don't consciously think it, my actions say that I don't want to hold His hand.  I'm doing just find down there on the ground admiring my little treasures.  But then I finally start crying, realizing the pain I'm in, asking for help to stand and get back to the safety of His ways.

I'm so thankful God rescues me again, and again, and again...

The sparkles can be anything - affirmation from others, socialization, knowledge...things that could be considered good, but I am not holding God's hand when I grab them.  That makes them dangerous and worthless.  Dangerous because I begin to think I'm doing alright alone.  Worthless because they are not in His timing, and I'm not thanking Him for the gift.  And because they are in the parking lot of the world and not from His hand, they shatter even as I triumphantly wave them in the air. 

Taking captive every action for God's glory is hard. 

Taking captive every thought for God's glory is harder.

Without God's hands guiding me, it is impossible.

It's a daily struggle for me, this abiding in Him, and I'll be perfectly honest:

The internet has become my shiny piece of broken glass.

I am not seeking excellence in my housekeeping.  My children don't have their mama as much as they should.  My husband wonders why I'm on the computer so much.  Most importantly, I'm not spending the time I need in the Word.

So I'm saying goodbye for a little while.  I'll be checking my e-mails once a day so if you want to comment, I'll see it.  Please pray with me as I seek to abide, to trust, to hold His hand and walk even closer with Him.  I will be praying the same for you :-)

And if you feel led, we'd so appreciate your financial support.  Thank you!

"Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers.  Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."

James 1:16-17

"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

2 Corinthians 10:3-5

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